


Hinder

by Holtzy



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Based on "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls, But putting warnings on the start of every chapter, F/F, Fluff, Frustration, Holtz is a puppy in love but she hates it, In Denial, Light Angst, Running Away, T in some chapters tbh, and "Crush" by David Archuleta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-10-28 01:12:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10820613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holtzy/pseuds/Holtzy
Summary: From a crush to a spate of tumultuous feelings. Holtzmann attempts anything to take her mind of Erin Gilbert. She goes to bars, finds ladies, gets laid or anything that can take her mind of Erin. But there's only one problem: Erin keeps on popping out in the midst of it, making Holtzmann frustrated, but she never concedes and continues to attempt even if Erin continues to be a hindrance.





	1. To the Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first multi-chapter fic that I will ever finish (WHOO!)
> 
> Anyway, I don't have much to say but at least be warned this has slight angst, frustration, and some explicit stuff. You've been warned. I hope you enjoy guys!

_You’re an intellectual, Holtzmann. You can do this._

 

Holtzmann leans her hands on her workbench and takes a deep breath. She’s trying to restrain herself from liking Erin more, but she continues to fail every single day they spend time together. It’s completely impossible not to fall in love with Erin Gilbert, she’s smart, funny, super cute when flustered, she’s Erin Gilbert.

 

Holtzmann needs recourse from her Erin dilemma, she solely kept her thing for Erin to herself. She never thinks twice about telling to it to Abby and Patty as that would make it a bit harder because they were all colleagues of her, so she never bothered.

 

Whenever Holtzmann had her mind far from Erin, Erin will suddenly enact a sweet gesture to Holtzmann like touch Holtz’s hands that makes her brain short-circuit. And with that, Holtzmann declares it was impossible to restrain her feelings.

 

“Hey Holtz.” A voice rouses Holtzmann from her thoughts, she turned her head to see who it is. It was Abby. “We’re going out for a bar night, wanna head out?” Holtzmann opens her mouth without hesitation before Abby gives a warning with her index finger, “No, it’s not a lesbian bar. Just a regular bar.”

 

Holtzmann snickers, “I am impressed, Yates. We really are best friends, huh?”

 

Abby rolls her eyes at her statement, “So, are you coming or are you staying up here to tinker because that’s what you’ve been doing the entire week?”

 

Before she utters an answer, she thinks about the possible, subsequent events to happen. She can watch Erin being hit on some bearded dude and Erin would look amused then laugh at his jokes. Or, she can find some random, hot girl to take her mind of Erin for a while. She never thought of that until now. “Yes, I’m going.”

 

Abby hums then beckons Holtzmann to get dressed before leaving the lab. Holtzmann scurries to her closet to pick out the best chick-magnet clothes she owns. She thinks back to her college days, she mostly gets hit by random women when she wears a shirt and vest, along with her leather jacket, slacks, and red Oxfords. She grabbed the remaining shirt and vest and slacks before changing.

* * *

“Wow Holtzy, you look like you’re getting laid tonight,” Patty remarks after Holtzmann had rolled down the fire pole, straightening her clothes.

 

“Ah yes, I look forward to,” Holtzmann replies, giving a wink to Patty earning an eye-roll, before turning to look at Erin. _Wow._ Erin was dressed in a regular teal blouse and white jeans and she couldn’t even look more stunning. She was smiling at the whole exchange, eyeing Holtzmann the whole time.

 

“Yeah, you look great, Holtz.” Holtzmann winks at Erin, causing her cheeks pink in response. Holtzmann mentally checks her main goal for tonight.

 

“Thank you, beautiful. You look ravishing as well.” As Holtzmann says that, Erin turned red from pink. Holtzmann chuckled at the act. They both wait for Abby to go downstairs before heading to the bar.

* * *

 The bar was less crowded than usual which is odd because it’s a Saturday night and no more than a hundred people were inside the bar. The four ladies huddles up in a booth then Holtzmann practically jumps to order some drinks.

 

Holtzmann orders her friends’ orders, eyeing a particular lady that might be interested in her. She can feel eyes around her, observing her, checking her out, any kinds of eyes. But with her search, she can’t help checking their booth to see Erin who looks like she doesn’t mind her, just casually talks with Abby and Patty. Holtzmann frowns, she knew Erin will never want her that way. It was only supposed to be a crush, but look at what happened.

 

The bartender presents their drinks, Holtzmann thanks him before distributing it to her team. She grabs a beer bottle, jumping out again to come back to her usual spot. She sits on the stool, her elbow leaning, and her hand clutching on the bottle. She can’t find any interesting girls anywhere. This wasn’t working, her mind is swirling with thoughts of Erin Erin Erin Erin.

 

This was getting her nowhere. Might as well she comes back to the booth and endure the presence of Erin Gilbert in front of her, she’s suffering herself enough.

 

Just as she stands up, a nudge from her shoulder spins her around to see a young, cute brunette smiling at her. By the looks of it, she looks like she’s over 25, but younger than Holtzmann.

 

“Hey,” she greets. Her green eyes gazing at her and she leans in further to present her cleavage.

 

“Come here often?” Holtzmann uses her favorite line when subtly flirting with a girl. It was only declared as her favorite because she first used this on Erin and she liked the look of Erin as she spun around to see her for the first time. She shakes her head from her thoughts of _her._

 

“Yeah, I do.” The girl winks at Holtzmann, causing Holtzmann to smirk. “I’m Gel.”

 

“Holtzmann,” she deadpans as she drank another sip of her beer. She mentally rolled her eyes, the girl in front of her was hot, but she was definitely not Erin Gilbert. But she had to talk to this girl, maybe flirt with her a little more so Erin should leave her thoughts and call it a night.

* * *

“Look––an attractive girl hits on her already,” Abby states, drinking her beer bottle. “I’m not really surprised, that girl is a lady magnet.”

 

Erin eyes the exchange from afar, the brunette tries too hard to captures Holtz’s attention, but it doesn't seem to be working. Holtz looks so bored from her distance. She figures if it were be a good idea to help Holtz’s burden of a girl right in front of her.

 

“She doesn’t look all interested on her though and plus, she’s attractive,” Erin comments, gesturing on the girl. Abby raises an eyebrow then watches the inaudible conversation again.

 

“Hmm, that’s odd. She enthusiastically flirts with them usually, what’s wrong with that now?”

 

“Should I help her?” Erin asks, earning another look from Abby and Patty. Patty shrugs in response, Abby raises another eyebrow before uttering her response.

 

“I don’t know, Erin. She does look like she needs a heap of help because she looks so uninterested, but I don’t know––you might regret it.”

 

“I don’t think I would,” Erin says, standing up to her booth and approaching the pair. She takes a deep breath, her hand hooking to Holtz’s elbow.

 

“Hey, babe! What’s going on? Who’s your friend here?” She says, causing Holtzmann to give a lopsided smile and a dirty look from the brunette.

 

Holtzmann leans to her ear, “Um Erin, what the fuck are you doing here?”

 

“Oh––don’t be ridiculous, babe. Our friends in the booth are waiting for us, come on now.” She pulls Holtzmann by her arm, trying to drag Holtz from the girl but she can’t pull Holtz like her feet were glued to the floor.

 

“Um, who are you?” The brunette asks, her hands resting on her hips, giving Erin a dirty look.

 

“Oh hi, I’m her girlfriend and I was just calling her to come back to our booth,” Erin gives a gentle smile which was clearly meant to piss the brunette off.

 

The brunette shoots a glare to Holtz – who just shrugged – then turns to her heels then walks away. Erin counts this as a mission success. Holtzmann already accomplished a lot of her favors and she never repaid her favors, so here’s one now.

 

Holtz shakes her hand free from Erin’s grip, “Erin, what the fuck was that?”

 

Erin is taken aback, she never expected this from Holtz. She never expected Holtz to be infuriated. “What do you mean? I was carrying off your burden, you looked completely uninterested in her.”

 

“What? I was trying to flirt with her, I never asked you to come and save me!”

 

Looking back, she thinks back to Abby’s words that she might regret it and she did. Holtzmann never even gave her a signal to help her out with the brunette, maybe Holtz was just trying to gain her senses that’s why she looks bored. Erin mentally slaps herself on what she has done. “I’m sorry. I just thought–”

 

Holtz sighs, she manages to regain her composure. Honestly, she can’t stay mad at anyone. “It’s fine–just don’t do it unless I give you like a signal.”

 

Erin looks down, nodding in response. “I’ll just head back. I’m sorry again.”

 

Holtz watches her go, sighing again because Erin manages to get over her head again. And absolutely nothing was helping her with her straight girl problem, she didn’t need any drastic measures like she should quit the Ghostbusters or she should kill herself. That was over dramatic. But she figures she could try again, it’s not the end of the world and Erin won’t certainly be the death of her.

 

She just needs to constrain herself from giving up.


	2. Getting Laid (Two Times)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin continues to be a hindrance, but Holtzmann is thankful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight explicit stuff coming your way.

_ I’m not giving up. No, I can’t. _

 

These words are pounding inside Holtzmann’s head as she tinkers on Erin's proton shotgun. It’s been weeks since the bar mishap, Erin reduced talking to her anymore because of what she did. She sighs at the thought, Erin was being ridiculous. It wasn't really a big deal, Gel was trying so hard to flirt with her; she wears too much makeup, she overly shows off her cleavage, and she’s probably better off with guys. 

 

Holtz thinks that she should try again – find a more intriguing woman than Gel is – since the four decided to attend to a nightclub. Holtz silently prays that this won’t be another mishap and she hopes that this will ease Erin off her mind at least. 

* * *

Holtzmann loves dancing. It was pretty self-explanatory. She gyrates her hips whenever she has the chance, whatever song it is, whatever her mood was, she will dance. And that’s another perk of Holtzmann, she doesn’t need the use of linguistics to woo a woman; she can do it with dancing and women were suddenly interested. 

 

And that’s why she danced to Erin when they moved in their first facility, because she thought Erin might be interested in  _ her _ and not her dancing, but she was wrong. All she received was a mere gyrate of her hips, a laugh, and start of a fire; she was satisfied anyway because Erin smiled. When she smiles, everything is worth it.

 

“So ladies, here is the best nightclub in all of New York City!” Holtz declares, spreading her arms to present the club behind her.

 

“Oh Holtzy, please don't tell me this a gay club — if it is, I ain't going in there,” Patty comments.

 

“Well… that's a problem.” Holtz puts her arms down and rubs her chin. 

 

“Holtzy!” 

 

“I'm kidding, Pattycakes.” Holtz snickers as she steals a glance to Erin. “So, shall we go?” 

 

“Yep.” The three said in sync as they walk inside with Holtz.

 

Just like any regular nightclub, the somnolent lights blaring in different spectrums, the clamoring voices of people at the bar, the clanking of glasses, and the electronic music blasting through multiple subwoofers are all present. Holtz escorts the ladies to a small booth, a little far from the main dance floor and a slight nearer to the club’s bar. 

 

As usual, Holtz takes off with their orders and saunters to the bar. The bartender approaches her for her order, Holtzmann enumerates them all with all the details as well, then the bartender nods and scrams. Back again, Holtzmann starts to eye another interested lady. She has decided that she’ll be finicky here, she doesn't want to be desperate just to get over her stupid crush –– which is not just a crush –– so she scrutinizes every woman that passes by the bar.

 

She catches a spate of eyes, mostly the ones accompanied with an eyebrow raised and a smirk. Not that they were unattractive, but for Holtzmann, Erin is far more gorgeous than these women. She keeps on searching, trying to find a perfect set of eyes.

 

They were hazel. An auburn-haired girl approaches her, swaying her hips extensively –– unlike most girls, probably to catch her attention more –– her heels clacking audibly even from the blasting music. She finally reaches her destination, her elbow leaning on the bar’s island, her free hand beckoning the bartender. She waits as she continues to call his attention before turning to look at Holtz.

 

Like any other scientist, Holtzmann examines her. She looks like she is from 25 to 30, she is definitely not straight from the way she is eyeing Holtzmann, but those are just speculations. Holtzmann can’t solely depend on her intuition so she has to talk to this woman.

 

“Hey,” she starts, her casual voice plummeting like the one she uses on Erin. The woman smirks and eyes her deliberately. “I’m Holtzmann.”

 

“Holtzmann, huh?” The woman pauses, continuing to eye the blonde. Holtzmann felt so watched right now, this woman is examining her more than she examines her. The woman drums her fingers, the silence is already deafening and they were at dance club. “Aren’t you that hot Ghostbuster?”

 

_ Wow. _ Holtzmann was supposed to get used to this by now: being labelled as the hot Ghostbuster, only because she’s androgynous and she’s the youngest. But still, this never fails to flatters her and makes her smirk. “Indeed I am.” But she still continues to think that Erin is the hot one.

 

The bartender interrupts their colloquy, handing over the drinks to Holtzmann. Holtzmann thrums, acknowledging his presence, then shuffles to her pocket to pay the waiter. 

 

She turns back to the woman who was leaning her face on her palm, still oddly studying her. “Um –– I have to deliver these to my friends. I’ll be back.” The woman nods. Holtzmann acknowledges and delivers the drinks to her friends. 

 

Erin seems shocked by her presence, her eyes widen as Holtzmann approaches her. Patty and Abby merrily took their drinks and distributed Erin’s, but she seems a little off. Holtzmann snaps her fingers in front of Erin’s face, hoping to rouse her from her stupor. 

 

“Earth to Erin? Are you there Erin?” Holtzmann shouts, battling the sound of the music. Erin blinks, she frantically shakes her head, rousing from her stupor. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m here.” Erin smiles. Holtzmann smiles back but left in a hurry, back to the bar. 

 

Holtzmann saunters back to the bar, finding the same woman still staring at her. It was disconcerting, but she has to make sure before she makes a big mistake and she won’t be able to talk to Erin.

 

“You’re back,” she says, sipping her Mojito. Holtzmann plops down a seat beside her, her elbow leaning on the counter, her hand clutching on her beer. 

 

“Why wouldn’t I be? So, tell me about yourself.” Holtzmann then talks to this woman. Her name is Frances, she is a journalist and she has a dog and a cat, all are bloated and are in a need of a diet. She knew about Holtzmann and wrote articles about the Ghostbusters, she asserts that what the Ghostbusters did was real and definite as she says on her sites. And that was all she told Holtzmann before she got tipsy and asked Holtzmann if she wants to dance.

 

Holtzmann couldn’t say no, so instead of an answer, she drags Frances to the dance floor. Frances laughs as she watches Holtzmann sway her hips side to side to the beat, prompting Frances to dance with her. Frances reciprocates, her hips gyrating to the beat, throwing up her hands. Holtzmann subconsciously steals a glance at Erin who was unexpectedly looking at her direction, then goes back in watching Frances. She wasn’t that much of a dancer, but since she wants to get laid tonight, she goes with it.

 

They continued to dance and drink; soon enough, Frances was grinding her hips on Holtz, prompting her to touch her. She acquiesces, her hands gripping her waist as they move around the beat. She steals another glance to Erin who doesn’t look so happy, she furrows her eyebrows then she continues to dance. Frances turns around, making Holtzmann confused for a second then she smashes their lips together. Holtz didn’t want to kiss her, but she knows she has to, so she kisses back furiously using her tongue. Frances moans, she yanks Holtz by the hair –– making Holtz flinch at the pain –– kissing her hard. 

 

Holtzmann’s eyes weren’t fully closed, one was half-opened to see Erin gaping at their scene. She frantically nudges Abby and Patty to show them that Holtzmann is kissing someone, they all exchanged looks and back to Holtzmann, looking elated to congratulate Holtzmann. 

 

“Come back to my place?” Frances pulls away a mere inch, motioning Holtzmann to reply. Holtzmann nods, then Frances kisses her back furiously again before pulling away and dragging her outside. As Frances drags Holtzmann, Holtzmann gives a quick two-fingered salute to the group and sees different reactions: Patty giving her a thumbs up and a wink, Abby clapping her hands in euphoria, and Erin looking… blank, a questionable look. Before she could react, they were out of her sight, passing an influx of people blocking her view, and soon they were outside. 

 

Frances quickly hails a cab. A cab pulls over them, Frances hastily opens the passenger seat and pushes Holtzmann inside. Holtz flinches at the pain and attempts to straighten up to her seat, only to be interrupted by Frances kissing her again hard. She rolls her eyes and kisses her back, this is going to be a long night.

* * *

They arrive at her apartment, Frances was getting annoying. She kept on inflicting pain to Holtzmann, smashing her back on her wall, yanking her tie to drag her to the bedroom. Holtzmann couldn’t take much more of this, but she keeps on reminding herself not to give up and she’d rather have this than her unrelenting feelings for Erin. 

 

Frances yanks her tie, pulling Holtzmann brutally to her. They were in bed now and Holtzmann wants this to get over with; make her come then let her sleep and go home. She begins stripping down her clothes, leaving her clad with her underwear and bra. She trails kisses down her stomach and before tonguing her core through fabric, her phone vibrates in her pockets. She pulls away suddenly, making Frances whine. 

 

“Sorry, I have to take this,” Holtzmann announces, she reaches her phone and sees the caller ID. Her eyes widen as she scurries out of the room. 

 

It was Erin. “Erin, hello?” Holtzmann rolls her eyes, Erin kept on interrupting everything that takes her mind off her, but she still keeps on popping out out of nowhere. She attempts to relax her tone, not wanting to damage the brunette. 

 

“Hey Holtz, am I disturbing something?” Erin replies softly, it sounds like she was stiffening up or her voice was just completely muffled by the phone. 

 

“Uh, no,” she lies. Erin was far more important than her petty intention to take her mind of her. She can’t afford to be an asshole and tell her to back off as she never done something iniquitous to her. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Can you come to my apartment? I need help.” With this, Holtzmann’s head becomes blank. Her sagacity was relenting, she didn't know what to do anymore. But the first thing that her mind shouts is that she should come to Erin, she needs her. And she rarely asks Holtz for help and now here it is. In a half-bad time because Holtz was not enjoying that at all. Her mind swirls with countless answers, most of them were accompany Erin, be with her and try to kiss her tonight. Her mind shakes at the latter.

 

“Sure, I’ll be there.” Holtzmann didn’t give Erin a chance to speak, she presses the red button then scurries back to the bedroom. She opens the door enough to stick her head out. “Hey, I’m sorry, Frances. I got an emergency, it’s business so definitely urgent. Anyway, it was nice knowing you and, uh, bye.” She pulls away from the door and closes it, she grabs her things, and hastily leaves the apartment. 

 

She hails a cab, frantically getting inside the passenger seat before Frances becomes all crazy and halts the cab. She shouts at the driver to go faster, he acquiesces, stomping down the pedal. 

 

She looks at the window to adore New York City, but her head is foggy with thoughts of Erin. She didn’t know what kind of situation Erin has gotten herself into. This may be all a coincidence because Erin rarely asks for her help and when she does, she does it in the worst timing. It has got to be all a coincidence. 

 

After minutes of her musings, they finally arrived at Erin’s apartment. Holtzmann pays the cab, leaving a tip then exits. She thinks about Erin one last time and goes inside the apartment. She knocks at Erin’s apartment, leaving five seconds before the door opens. 

 

“Hey,” Holtzmann starts. Seeing an Erin Gilbert’s eyes red, sweating, and panting. “Oh my God, what happened?” Erin gives her space to go inside, then plopping herself down the couch. 

 

“I didn’t know anyone else but you. I know you wouldn't laugh at my situation right now even though you’re eccentric and you’re easy to laugh at things, but I know you’re the most serious one when it comes to these things.” Erin gestures at herself, she wipes a sweat on her forehead. “I had a nightmare and I couldn’t sleep without anyone to comfort me.”

 

This makes Holtzmann stiffen, Erin wanted her to comfort her. She places a hand on Erin’s back and rubs soothing circles on it. “It’s okay, babe. I’m here.” Erin stiffens as she scoots closer to Holtzmann and leans on her shoulder. Holtz’s brain short-circuits, the mere touch of Erin makes her go nuts. She treasures this moment, she pulls her free arm to envelop her to an embrace, making Erin curl up to her. 

 

_ This is far better than getting laid to that woman. _ The thought of Erin curling up next to her and making her sleep. To make this process better, she hums a somnolent tone, a lullaby-like song. She looks over to Erin who was gazing at her already, indulging the song. She smiles, she does the same, the same old smile that reaches up to her eyes. She’d sell her soul just to see that smile everyday. 

 

“Tell me the truth, did I really distract you?” Erin asks, ceasing Holtzmann’s hums. With her instinct, Holtzmann would’ve frantically shake her head no. But telling the truth to Erin could emit a reaction.

 

“Actually yeah. I was in the middle of having sex right now, Gilbert,” Holtzmann says sternly, making Erin blush at the statement. Her cheeks present a shade of light pink, it was adorable. 

 

“Oh,” Erin starts then pauses for a second. “You didn’t have to come.”

 

“Oh please, you are far more important than my libido.” Holtz winks as Erin’s pink cheeks become darker. She laughs at the exploit, it was the cutest thing in the world but she couldn't bring herself uttering it. “Now sleep, pumpkin.” 

 

She watches endearingly as Erin drifts off to a long slumber. 


	3. Ignited (Not By Blowtorches)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin interrupts Holtzmann doing something... peculiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** This contains pretty explicit (funny as hell) stuff, but yeah still rated mature.

Holtzmann wakes up from a shift and barely audible noises of mumbling. She flutters her bleary eyes open to see Erin Gilbert laying down on top of her, snoring softly, her arms wrapped around her waist. She widens her eyes in shock, recalling what happened last night.

 

She remembers the club, the drinks, and the woman last night. Pictures of the night with that woman makes Holtzmann grimace in discomfort, but luckily Erin needed her help and she saves the night for her and Erin. She checks on Erin again, her hair splayed out in both sides of her face, her mouth slightly open as she snores mildly. For Holtz, it is attractive. Everything is attractive when it comes to Erin, nobody can’t make Erin ugly.

 

She was careful to not make any movements that might disturb the brunette, so she stays there and waits. Erin had a long day last night, she did look like she was perturbed last night looking at Holtz but she can never know why. Maybe she was just looking out for her? Was Frances the type of girl she should stay away from? There were thousands of possibilities why Erin seemed a little off when it comes to Holtz with other girls. But it does kind of aggravate Holtzmann with her process of “running away” since Erin was hindering her every attempt.

 

She decides to evade clubs and random girls to bang for now, it’s not taking her mind off her, it increases it. She just continues to picture them as Erin, Erin who she was banging but no. It’s not Erin, it was just some random girl. Maybe she should look at other options; one-night stands don’t take off the burden, maybe blind dates are the way to go? She exhales, she might just picture them as Erin as well because they’re not Erin.

 

Turns out, her whiff of air made Erin move. She mentally curses herself for being such a klutz as Erin shifts and wearily rubs her eyes then blinks. Holtzmann watches and waits until Erin finally meets her eyes; when she does, she smiles which her brain short-circuits. If she could control the universe, this is the first alteration she will do: wake up to this smile every morning.

 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” she coos endearingly.

 

“Good morning yourself,” Erin says back, stretching her limbs emitting cracking sounds. “You didn’t have to spend the night.”

 

“I had to, you were in a risk of nightmares. You don’t want to happen again, don’t you?” Erin shakes her head. “See? It’s alright, at least I was comfortable.”

 

“Breakfast?” Erin suggests as she stands up from the couch and heads to the kitchen.

 

“Yes please.”

 

Then they ate breakfast.

* * *

 

They arrived together at the firehouse, seeing Abby and Patty in their designated spots. Abby is in her office with her usual cup of tea and she was typing quite loud. Patty, on the other hand, was in her personal space –– which was the couch –– reading a book. Kevin doesn’t arrive until before noon. Holtzmann tells Erin that she will be upstairs in her lab, she does. She quickly ascends the steps and enters her lab to get some real work done.

 

She strides to her cabinets to get her power tools and scrap metals when she does though, she spots a discarded combat shotgun on the floor near a workbench. She abandons her current task and walks to the shotgun instead. She lifts off the shotgun and recalls why was this shotgun on the floor and where did this come from? She frequently avoids her machinery to fall down or to be discarded. She checks the shotgun, seeing if there were any damages, but instead of finding damages: she finds a note. She grabs the piece of paper then adjusts her glasses before reading:

 

_Hey Holtz,_

 

_I want you to examine this shotgun and see if you can redesign this to a proton one. Don’t ask why I gave this to you or why I had this._

 

_Erin_

 

Erin just said so in the note, but Holtz asks why Erin gave her a shotgun that looks like it might still work. She probes further and checks if it still functions. By the looks of it, it looks functioning and she might have to change this to a proton shotgun and it makes it a lot easier because it’s from an actual gun, not like the usual, solitary scrap metals.

 

She gets to work. She returned to her original task and grabbed her tools. Believe it or not, when she normally tinkers and works, her mind is far away from Erin. But this time, Erin made her realize that she was sometimes tinkering and inventing stuff for her. This thought makes Holtzmann want to bang her head on the wall endlessly yet she continues to work with countless thoughts of Erin again.

* * *

 

She was welding, her face covered with a heavy mask, and her favorite blowtorch frizzling a proton part with the original part until she was distracted by a loud bellow and a loud knock on her lab door.

 

She removes her welding mask in acknowledgment, now seeing the face of Abby and with a stern look. Looks like she was screaming at Holtz for seconds, the mask didn’t really help her hear and it wasn’t made for them.

 

“I was screaming, didn’t you hear me?” Abby pants, now walking inside the lab.

 

Holtzmann turns off her blowtorches then settles it down her workbench, “I’m sorry, have you ever tried welding quietly?”

 

Abby glares even more as she leans her hands on the workbench, eyeing Holtzmann disconcertingly. Holtzmann just laughs. “I came over here to ask you if you want to order anything for lunch. We’re ordering––”

 

“Chinese,” they say in unison. Holtzmann rolls her eyes, “As expected. But yes, I would like orange chicken and wonton noodles.”

 

“Okay then.” Abby pulls away from the workbench, turning on her heels to exit. Holtzmann begins to come back to work but soon to be interrupted by another word from Abby. “Erin is being a little bit weird, don’t you think?”

 

This takes Holtzmann by surprise, she fumbles on her blowtorch as she turns it off fully. She exhales in relief then straightens up to the question, “Huh? What? I don’t think––”

 

Abby turns again, walking back to the workbench. “She seemed so uncomfortable during our recent night-outs.”

 

“Maybe she was just sick or something.”

 

“No, I don’t think so no. When you were dancing at the club last night, she seemed distracted by you and that girl’s exchange. She looked perturbed and uncomfortable, do you know why?” Holtzmann blinks at this. She did catch Erin staring at her when she was dancing and kissing Frances, but didn’t bother it enough because it just might be her petty instincts. It turns out her instinct was right all along. “What do you think?”

 

“Was she uncomfortable all along? And why did she tried to save me from the other girl at the bar?”

 

“That I am not aware of. She just told us you looked unsettled and she decided that she should help you.”

 

“What a freak.” Holtzmann snickers as she leans her half-gloved hands on her workbench to lower her gaze.

 

“Yeah. Well, I never told you this but,” she pauses for Holtzmann to look at her. And when she does, she continues, “All of the things I said to Erin might be all bad, but she’s one of the most solicitous person I ever met. She always cares about people she loves the most, especially you.”

 

 _‘Especially you’_ pounds relentlessly in Holtzmann’s head. Was she something special in Erin’s life? Or did Erin think she was the most screwed up person in the group so she was ‘special’? And a spate of questions surrounds her head even more with no possible answers. She doesn’t want to deliberately over think it, she has learned her lesson from her old straight girl crushes.

 

She remembers that Abby was waiting for a response before she heads out. “Oh.” Was the only thing that she uttered.

 

“Yeah. So I’m going to head out now,” Abby announces as she juts a thumb over her shoulder, pointing to the stairs. Holtz nods and gives a weak smile, Abby smiles back then leaves.

 

She berates herself to get back to work but her thoughts were too foggy to even think clearly. Everyday she has to restrain herself from being optimistic when Erin does something remotely non-platonic; since she is in love, she is aware that pettiness may disturb her composure and think that Erin might have something for her based on a weak speculation. She dismisses the levity and decides to get back to work.

* * *

 

It’s been an hour of the battle between Holtzmann and her so-called brilliant mind. Since she is known to be brilliant and pliable, she is immersed in her work but at the same time, battling her mind with endless thoughts of Erin. She shakes her head every now and then to attempt dismissing her thoughts yet nothing worked.

 

This wouldn’t have happened if Erin wasn’t so captivating, smart, funny, and pretty with her stodgy and ascetic appearance, Holtz should not be able to feel like this: falling in love with a colleague, she knows better. She should be more focus in her work, she should have gotten laid by now, she should care about her social sanity right now if Erin wasn’t such a huge––

 

“Hey.” The familiar voice takes her by surprise causing her to fumble with her blowtorch again since she realizes that she practically jumped; but thanks to her keen reflexes, she was able to relax her hands and maintain the blowtorch in her hands. She turns it off and pulls her mask up to see Erin grimacing at the act.

 

“Oh Erin, hi!” she unintentionally shouts, causing Erin to flinch at the discordance. “Oh sorry.”

 

“So…” Erin starts as she walks inside the lab and moves closer to Holtz. “You received my note, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” She sets down her blowtorches then leans her hands on her workbench to gaze at Erin. “It’s much easier than using scrap metal.”

 

“Is it almost done?” she says as she examines the shotgun. Holtz says in her mind, ‘I could if you’re not hindering every second’ but she doesn’t. It’s so harsh that she flinches at the mere thought. Instead of an answer, Holtz just waves her hand horizontally to imply that it was slightly done. “Oh.”

 

Holtz just noticed that Erin was wearing a off-shoulder shirt that shows off her prominent collarbones. Holtz clenches her jaw at the sight, a mere display of Erin’s skin already rushes heat to her very core; but this was much worse, Holtz has an inordinate kink to clavicles and she only noticed that Erin has a delicate set of it. She just wants to place her tongue on those right now.

 

“Just checking,” Erin muses, causing Holtz out of her stupor. Holtz mentally shakes her head and smiles at Erin wryly. Erin raises her eyebrow, “Okay then. I’ll be heading out.”

 

She leaves. Now Holtzmann didn’t have enough time to compose her hormones, so she has to deal with her concupiscence. She won’t be able to finish her work until this was done to deal with.

 

She darts her eyes off side to side to find a perfect, secluded spot to get this over with. She finds one on the very corner of her lab, she contemplates about this twice; it wasn't professional to get off in the building with her colleagues and she was in work, but her libido is sometimes uncontrollable which is right now.

 

She scurries over the far corner, checking the door before sprawling down. She deliberately thinks about this one last time then she shuffles down to her pocket to grab her phone and her earphones. She shouldn’t be doing this, but might as well do this earlier before her colleagues consequently.

 

Her guiltiness overwhelms her further as she types in in her search box ‘Pornhub’; and here, she was presented with an influx of lesbian porn in her phone. She scrolls down to find the best one –– which she finds a video with a look-a-like of Erin –– she taps on the video that is titled ‘Two Hot Colleagues get off at work’. She can’t help laughing that Erin and her share the same dynamic as the two in the video. She settles in, watching the video intently as she tentatively slithers down from her stomach to inside her panties.

 

She waits for the action to partake and soon enough, she was rubbing herself in small circles –– but at the same time, she attempts hard not to think about Erin, not to come because of her (which she does a lot)  and because she’s under the same roof as her. She increases her pace –– her thoughts full of her fantasies with Erin, not really minding the video right now –– to make the situation better, she inserts two fingers inside herself with the same pace. She feels a spate of juices rushing through her core and her walls clenching on her fingers. Erin comes out in her head, she constrains herself from screaming Erin as she––

 

“HOLTZMANN, OH MY GOD!” A voice bellows through her earphones –– the only thing she hears was women moaning from the video. She jumps, sending her phone flying off and her earphones harshly pulls off her ear. She darts her eyes to the location where the voice was and she sees Erin with her mouth wide open.

 

 _Erin, I swear to God…_ “Oh hi! Erin! Um––” Holtzmann stammers, now realizing that she should remove her hand from her pants; she does. She subconsciously wipes off her damp hand with her pants and looks at Erin. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Jesus, Holtzmann,” Erin mutters as she places a paper bag down on a workbench. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but – wow – you shouldn't be doing this"—she tentatively gesticulated at Holtz's body—"at work.” 

 

“Oh Gilbert, if only you have my unbridled libido then you would understand.” Erin grimaces at her statement. Holtz realizes that she had said the wrong thing, she quickly backtracks, “I’m sorry. You’re right, I should not have done that.”

 

“Gross,” she still mutters. “You should’ve at least used the bathroom nearby, you know.”

 

Holtz mentally slaps herself; she couldn't even spare a minute to get off in the bathroom where it’s ten times safer than getting off at one corner in her lab. This Erin crush of her is even decreasing her rationality. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

 

“Just be more rational, okay?” Erin advises, Holtz nods in assent. This was too embarrassing, your crush catching you jerk off to porn. Erin smiles weakly before leaving her lab. After she leaves, Holtzmann leans on a nearby wall then sags down, hugging her knees closer.

 

She has to get over this stupid crush eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this is going to be a long story but I have a lot of Holtzbert prompts in store and I can't wait to write them all before school starts! Kudos and comments are deeply appreciated, thank you! ;)


	4. Painfully Odd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtz has a date and it's not Erin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Angst coming on your way.

Ever since the masturbation fiasco, Erin became distant to Holtzmann. When Holtzmann takes one step closer, she excuses herself to the bathroom or somewhere that Holtzmann can’t follow. She doesn't even enter her lab anymore to check on the shotgun she gave Holtzmann. This makes Holtzmann frustrated, did her involuntary masturbation agenda really made an effect on her?

 

She decides not to even bother with it. She lets it slides for now because if she even bothers to talk to Erin, nothing is going to help her feelings decrease and it’s probably for the best if Erin avoids her like a plague, it makes her “dodging” easier.

 

Holtzmann is in the lab, still working on Erin’s shotgun. She is almost done –– that means she can finally talk to Erin reasonably –– and she will decide to test it on their monthly testing day. She just needs to finish some proton wiring and a few alterations to perfect her shotgun. A distraction swarms over her, her phone vibrates on her pocket. She ceases her work, puts her tools down then wipes her greasy hand with her hand towel. After she did all of those, she checks her phone and she was presented with a Message notification.

 

It was from a girl named Kyla. From Tinder. Holtzmann recently made a Tinder this morning since she was so desperate with her _that person who shouldn't be named_ dilemma. Holtz checks her profile.

 

_30\. Has a cat and a dog. Loves art, music, dancing, and running. I run, I dance, act, and paint –– I love drawing out of the bunch. Currently an illustrator in Vertigo comics._

 

And that’s about it. Definitely Holtzmann’s type with that succinct description. She probes more by tapping on her profile picture. It was her, sitting cross-legged with her cat. She has auburn hair, blue eyes, and she was wearing an MIT sweatshirt just like hers. _She is like Erin._ Holtz shakes her head at that thought, who is the fuck is Erin again?

 

Her message reads: Hey. Typical. Basically Holtz is just like that in starting conversations. Tells her more about her character, straight-forward and casual, but that’s just a speculation. Holtzmann types hey back and she replies in a matter of seconds.

 

_K: You’re that Ghostbuster, right?_

 

_J: Yup, and the hottest_

 

_K: *laughing emoji* I do agree on that, yes. I am actually one of the few people who believes at what you did_

 

This is probably an ingratiating statement. Holtz thinks that this girl is just saying these things to easily woo Holtzmann. Again, that’s just another poor speculation, she should cut some slack off to other girls. She’s been incredibly vilifying them without even knowing them. _Because they’re not Erin._ Holtzmann smacks her head mentally for mentioning _her_ again.

 

She replies nonetheless, then their conversation goes on and on. She learns that Kyla has been secretly crushing on Holtzmann ever since the humongous Rowan ghost happened and that Kyla was bisexual, and that she had more ex-boyfriends than ex-girlfriends. She wants to meet Holtz later night in a coffee shop a few blocks from Central Park. Holtz couldn't say no since she doesn’t have an excuse not to do it.

 

Frankly, Holtzmann is not feeling up to the night, but she reminds herself again to stay away from _her_ and stop worrying if things are ever going to be the same. So she still continues for the night.

* * *

It was half an hour before her ‘date’ with the girl from Tinder. She has decided to keep it simple and not to care about how she looks like. She wears a muscle shirt with her leather jacket and cargo pants that she thinks is reasonable enough to wear for a night out. Then she leaves.

 

When she leaves the firehouse, she stops when she heard Erin’s voice call after her. “Holtz! Where are you going?”

 

She doesn’t turn, because she hasn't seen Erin all day so maybe if she sees Erin, she might change her mind if Erin doesn’t have plans and wants to spend the time alone with herself. “Uh, I have a date.”

 

There was long beat and she can feel Erin is biting her bottom lip nervously. She is aware Erin does this when she nervous, along with her hands fidgeting and her fingers twirling. “Oh.” Was the only thing she said after that 15 second beat.

 

“Yeah,” she mutters, hoping that she can get another response.

 

“Have fun.” It sounds so flat, yet Holtz still turns around to smile; but her ready smile falters when she sees the pain in Erin’s eyes. She doesn’t really know why, maybe it’s her petty self again for liking Erin this much. She is swarmed with thoughts of possibilities and unanswered questions again. She wants to ask Erin what was wrong, was she okay with Holtz having a date, or was it because she was all alone with no one to date? And her thoughts is also having the battle –– telling herself no –– of knowing the consent to hold her face when she asks one of the questions aforementioned and just… kiss her.

 

But she doesn’t.

 

She shrugs it off with a smile then leaves the firehouse in a beat. Leaving Erin with the pain in her eyes.

* * *

 

She arrives at the coffee shop, she depends on Kyla’s description of herself; wearing a plaid shirt and skinny jeans. She sees her at the very corner of the room, Kyla waves back enthusiastically and she beams in response. She notices that the shirt she was wearing was the same as Erin’s when they moved to the firehouse. She rolls the eyes at the thought, this has to be a coincidence. She sidles up to her and plops herself down the chair.

 

And all she was thinking about all the way here was Erin.

 

“So… it’s you,” Kyla muses, with a humongous grin plastered on her face. Holtz can’t help grimacing at the sight, was this girl trying to much? She smacks her criticizing self again, this was going for a while now.

 

“Yes, it’s me. And it’s you –– wow, just like in the pictures.” Holtz tried herself to sound reasonably excited to meet this girl, but she knows she’s failing miserably by the looks of Kyla.

 

“Everything okay?” she then asks. Holtz tries again, showing off a convincing smile and a nod.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” She slams the table rather too loudly which Kyla flinches at the sound. “Oh sorry. Didn’t mean to smack too hard.”

 

Luckily for Holtz, Kyla decided to shrug it off with a new topic. “So how does busting ghosts for a living feel like?”

 

 _Well, my fellow civilian. It’s such a pain in the ass since you have to work with Erin fucking Gilbert_ was the first answer that comes to her head. She shakes it off and thinks rationally before answering. “It’s not normal. It’s paranormal.” She wants to bang her head after that hideous response, but instead… “It’s not natural. It’s supernatural.” If there was only a knife, then she should’ve stabbed herself before uttering that sentence. She gazes at Kyla who –– apparently and oddly –– was watching intently without any sense of reaction in her face as Holtz says it.

 

A deafening beat occurs after the sentence, and then… Kyla is giving off a loud guffaw. Holtz never expected that, she wanted to punch herself for giving such a response, but with this happening in her sight: she was almost convinced that Kyla was trying too hard, too much for her taste.

 

“Oh God,” Kyla wipes a tear from her eyes. Holtz furrows her eyebrows, so she actually meant it? “That was ridiculous, but still pretty funny though.”

 

Holtz attempts to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes; not convincing enough to make Kyla plaster her face with that immoderate grin again.

 

Kyla opens her mouth for another word, but is disrupted with a waiter queuing for their order. Kyla hums in acknowledgement and tells him her usual. The waiter pauses for a beat, then acknowledges it anyway and he turns to Holtzmann. Holtzmann orders a regular black coffee since her thoughts were too tired of Erin, she orders a drink with strong caffeine to stiffen and wake them up from this heap of Gilbert mess.

 

“Black coffee, huh? Is there a bust later night?” she asks tentatively, Holtz smiles and shakes her head no.

 

“Nah, I’m just not myself tonight,” she deadpans. “I want to wake up.”

 

Kyla raises her eyebrow. “But aren't you already up –– Oh, I think that’s our order.” She points behind her. “Oh wait, it’s not.”

 

Holtz wants to disassemble her head to make sure everything’s in place. She turns to look at the waiter behind her as she says “That’s not what I meant––” and she sees a figure that reminds her of _her._ She takes off her yellow-tinted spectacles to see everything in color. She squints her eyes some more to double-check, and it was Erin.

 

Erin who was all alone, who was frowning like someone died, and in a coffee shop instead of a bar. She abruptly turns back around to Kyla with an unbelievable expression plastered on her face. She ducks her head so Erin wouldn't see her here. She thinks about her hair and how it is easily recognizable with her bun on, so she begins to remove her pins in deft precision. Kyla is left with a questioning look while she watches Holtzmann remove her pins one by one.

 

Thankfully, she doesn't ask anything while she does. She finally came to her last pin and shifts to her chair to let her hair fall with bobbing her head and ruffling her hair with her hands. She straightens back up her seat and turns back to Kyla who was gawking.

 

“Wow, you have pretty hair,” she compliments. Holtz winks and ruffles her hair with her left hand. “I always thought your hair was short like in a Pompadour style.”

 

“Thanks,” she says as she combs her hair with her fingers. “I don’t really let it down.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Pony tail’s are hard to maintain when you’re a constructive engineer. Your tie gets loose in the meantime causing strands of your hair to fall down which distracts your eyes or something like that, so I created my own coiffure that doesn’t let those petty strands fall down and plus, it screams ‘dyke’.” Holtz smiles as she watches Kyla intently. Kyla laughs at the dyke joke –– even if it wasn't. She wasn't that bad, she’s a good listener, and she’s cute. But the thing is, Holtzmann is not for her, because she wants someone else and only that someone else. She turns a tad to see in her peripheral vision that Erin was still there, alone.

 

“Can I ask why you let your hair down?”

 

“So I couldn’t be recognized,” she mutters gruffly, her gaze down at the table. She doesn’t need Erin to hinder anything right now and she has been for two consecutive women, but that doesn’t take off the worry burden on her shoulders. Erin is sad, and that’s not normal.

 

“Uh-huh,” Kyla hums in slight disbelief. “You do look unrecognizable with your hair down so…”

 

“That’s the point!” Holtz exclaims enthusiastically as their exchange is disturbed by a waiter placing their orders on their table. As he does, Holtzmann tries to relax herself and restrain herself from knowing that Erin is in the same coffee shop as her. She drinks her coffee with 30-second intervals, not really minding the searing liquid since she was too anxious. Kyla eyes her questioningly, raising her eyebrows whenever Holtz drinks her coffee straight.  

 

Holtz turns a little and sees Erin was nowhere to be found in her periphery. She turns and checks the shop immoderately, twisting her head in every direction, still no certain brunette in sight. She looks outside and sees Erin getting inside the cab, she probes further if she thinks that Erin might’ve seen her. She doesn’t think so though.

 

“Oh – isn’t that Erin Gilbert?” Kyla asks, Holtz abruptly jerks her head to her with her mouth open. She doesn’t speak up though, she just nods gradually. “You were trying to avoid her?” Holtz nods. “Is there something lowkey about you two?”

 

Holtz’s eyes widen. “I don’t know if that’s what you call it.” A pause. “I am in love with her and I don’t know how to handle it.”

 

“First time?”

 

“You could say that. I’ve never felt this… fervent to anyone before,” Holtz mutters. Then she realizes why was she even here and she was not being a good intellectual. She was supposed to have a nice date with this woman in front of her and not worrying about her stupid crush on her colleague. She has to leave. “I’m sorry. You’re an amazing person, Kyla. Any person would be lucky to have you, but––I’m not that person. I’m in love with someone else and I don’t want anyone else but her. I just––I gotta research about this.” She doesn’t give Kyla to reply, instead she flees after she had said that.

 

She hails a nearby cab and tells the address of the firehouse. She looks at the window and admires the view of New York in the dark. She knows that Erin was looking at the same view as her, and even with that thought, it elicits a smile from her.

 

When she arrives at the firehouse, Erin wasn’t there. She checks every office in the firehouse, nothing. Every corner in the firehouse, none. Even in the rooftops, Erin was nowhere in sight. She must’ve come home in her apartment, why would she bother going back in the firehouse after her visit to a coffee shop looking like her dog died? She thinks about what to do next. Erin’s shotgun was almost done, it would be a nice surprise if she finishes it all-night.

 

She pins her hair up in her usual coiffure as she enters her lab. She puts on her lab coat and her spectacles. She finds a set of wiring tools –– mostly just her blowtorch because she can't live without them, her named wire cutters and pliers –– grabs them and heads to the workbench where the shotgun was placed.

 

It is odd that Erin gave her a shotgun to work with. It is odd that Erin has a shotgun stored –– probably inherited by her family or something. It is odd that Erin wrote a note to Holtz and didn’t give it herself. It is odd that Erin tried to save her from that girl at the bar. It is odd that Erin was eyeing her when Frances kissed her. It is odd that Erin had that look in her eyes when Holtz said she had a date. It is odd that Erin was in a coffee shop alone and looking extremely depressed.

 

Everything was odd. Erin was not odd, but it seems odd to Holtzmann.

 

But it was all clear to Holtzmann now.

 

So she begins working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second last chapter of my first multi-chapter fic that I will finish! Thank you guys for the kudos and comments! It means a lot, thank you!


	5. I Ran (I Couldn't Get Away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann soon realizes that she doesn't regret running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo!! Last chapter of the first multi-chapter fic I ever finished! *mentally high fives myself* It has been a wild ride and I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> **Warning: Super duper mushy fluff coming your way.**
> 
> Oh I also recommend that you read this with I Ran by Flock of Seagulls, I'm sure you've heard it in La La Land. It'll set the mood, but hey any fluffy music will do tbh

She takes up an all-nighter trying to finish the shotgun. Luckily, she finishes it after 3 am, so she can finally sleep. She considers he shotgun as the best alteration she ever done. 

  


All because it was for Erin. And with Erin, she is at her best. 

  


Holtzmann dozes off, hugging the shotgun closer to her body –– she made sure that it was unloaded and safe enough to hug it close –– mostly for good luck tomorrow. And because it feels like she is hugging Erin right now, weirdly enough.

* * *

Holtzmann rouses from her slumber when she hears a certain tone from afar. She blinks, tries to stretch, and focuses on the nearby sound. She recognizes that synth poppy tune, funky guitar, and vintage vocals.

  


_ With auburn hair and tawny eyes _

_ The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through _

_ Hypnotize me through _

  


Holtz widens her eyes in acknowledgement. She bops her head to the music and sings along, “And I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran, I ran all night and day. I couldn’t get away…”

  


This song helped her through whenever she had feelings for someone, but never did she thought it would really apply to her once in her life like right now. Like how she tries to get away from Erin, and –– apparently –– she can’t. 

  


Her body rises, but in midst of it, she feels a cold piece of metal nudge her skin. The shotgun. She remembers that she has to place this down on Erin’s desk before she arrives at lunch time. She knows this: Erin arrives at the firehouse usually at noon during weekends, because she states that it’s the only two days she can get twelve hours of sleep. 

  


She grabs the shotgun along with her as she stands up and straightens her shirt. She checks her phone on the workbench to check the time, it was 11:21. As she sees that, she bolts downstairs with the fire pole and sees Patty and Abby walking by in huge surprise. 

  


“Damn Holtzy, chill.” Patty is on the couch, reading a book as usual. The song is more audible as the radio downstairs was blasting it on a high volume. 

  


“Sorry, gotta place this on Erin’s desk.” Holtz holds up the shotgun then she runs down on Erin’s desk. Erin’s desk is the neatest thing she has ever seen since Dr. Gorin’s blueprints. Her files are always so organized, her paperworks stacked precisely, and everything is just so neat. With that, Holtzmann makes sure that she neatly places the shotgun on her desk. She does, but it wasn't that neat or straightly placed — like Erin does — yet she keeps it like that so she can know it’s her. 

  


She sidles away from her desk, she sees Abby staring at her from afar. She is raising her eyebrows at Holtz, prompting her what she put on Erin’s desk. “It was––something Erin wanted me to make.”

  


“Uh-huh,” Abby hums. “Was it Erin’s old shotgun? It has been in her family for years, since World War II.”

  


“What?” How could Erin make Holtz alter something that is significant to her heritage? Didn’t she have a brother to pass it on? Or are they not practicing patriarchy? “Why would she try and alter a valuable family memorabilia?”

  


“That’s weird. Maybe she can finally put it to use by using it for our busts? I don’t know, it hasn't been used for years.”

  


“Huh.” Holtz nods and begins to walk away from Abby, but then her mind recollects the moments last night. Erin with the pain in her eyes, Erin at the coffee shop, Erin hailing a cab. “Oh Abby.” Abby shots up from her laptop and raises an eyebrow. “Did Erin speak to you last night?”

  


“Not really, no. Why?”

  


“She seems a little weird last night. I told her was on a date and she looked like someone died or something, and she almost saw me with my date because we were in the same coffee shop.” 

  


“You were on a date?”

  


“Yeah. She messaged me on Tinder and––”

  


“Wait, Tinder? Wow Holtz, this is so unlike you. I never opted you as the type who likes to date, aren't you the one night-stand type?” 

  


Holtz purses her lips, her dimples more prominent. “Uh, I don’t know I guess I want to try something new?”

  


Abby snorts, “Oh God, that’s funny.” She laughs boisterously and slams her palm repeatedly on her desk. “You said you never wanted to try dating.”

  


“Well I don’t know Abby, maybe I do want to get married someday.”

  


“Funny. Did you like your date?” She veers away with an enticing smirk. She knows what’s up, but she has to be sure so she thinks twice about her reply.

  


“She was okay. I might hit her up again if I want to. I did leave early because Erin hailed––” she halts her words before it could get any worse and Abby is flashing a huge grin on her face. She can’t backtrack anymore, the cat was out of the bag. “–– a cab. She was there in the coffee shop.” Her gaze lowers, so she can’t see Abby grinning like she won the best hand in Poker. 

  


“I knew it. You were trying to  _ run away _ from Erin.”  _ Yep, she can see right through me.  _ “You literally stopped going on lesbian bars when Erin came to the picture and when was the last time you got laid? Almost a year ago?” 

  


“God Abby, you are unbelievable.” Holtzmann rubs her nose bridge and shakes her head. “I wasn't really that obvious, was I?”

  


“You were obvious. You flirt––” Holtzmann opens her mouth to say something, but Abby stops her with her hand. “I know you flirt with everyone, but it seemed so different when it was with Erin. Your pickup lines were more atrocious but –– at least –– creative. You always make her first on testing day, you try to always sit with her on movie nights and also on busts. And I never told you this, you ‘talked’ in your sleep one time. Yes, you were saying ‘Erin’, ‘babe’, ‘eat you out’ and other things I don’t want to mention anymore.”

  


“Oh what a ding-a-ling,” Holtz mutters as she palms her head in worry. She tries to recollect those ‘dreams’ of her, and yes she did have sheer sexual fantasies of Erin. “Was Erin there when I was dreaming?”

  


“No, thank God.” Abby removes her glasses to wipe it with her shirt. “Me and Patty, she left early. It was two months ago, I believe.” 

  


Holtzmann is relieved. “So, what do I do?”

  


“Stop running away,” Abby deadpan like it wasn't that much of a big deal and it was that easy to suffer with feelings for someone who doesn't like her back. If Holtzmann does, it might risk her relationship with Erin. They were a team and without Erin or her, Ghostbusters won't be the Ghostbusters. 

  


“Oh Abby, you tell me like that's the easiest thing in the world. I can't possibly try to suffer my feelings with Erin without running away, it'll increase,” Holtzmann asserts. She states this even though running away still doesn't help her with feelings with Erin, but at least the rate of increasing wasn't that high, comparing when she doesn't.

  


“Seriously Holtz, tell her. I have a good feeling about this. This is the first girl that made you feel like that, perhaps you two might get married. Oh, I'll be so happy.” Abby claps her hands in merry. “I think she likes you back. Oh come on, you stated that she looked so distraught when you told her you had a date. That's a giveaway.”

  


“That could fucking mean anything!” Holtz protests, her hands gesticulating everywhere when she talks. This is ridiculous, Holtzmann can't possibly blurt out things that are too atrocious to Erin. She can state formulas without stuttering, but with professing love? Oh Lord, help her now. 

  


“Nah, not really.” Abby shakes her head. “Just tell her.”

  


Holtzmann sighs in concession. Abby is right, it can't be too late or too early to profess her love to Erin. She has to do it sometime and maybe today is the day. 

  


So she waits for her to come by.

* * *

She waits. She has already eaten breakfast and has tinkered their proton packs in about an hour, she knew it was time. She takes a stop in the bathroom to fix herself with more effort than she usually does; she fixes her coiffure, her straightens her shirt, and she brushes her teeth. She wipes her glasses clean before she hops down the fire pole.  


  


She lands, a tad loud for Patty to jump from her desk and berates her from being too loud. Holtzmann just laughs and mumbles her remorse. She darts her eyes to the direction of Erin’s desk and begins to saunter to it. She exchanges looks with Abby — expecting a smile and a beckon — but Abby just looks blank, she raises an eyebrow but continues to walk to Erin’s desk. 

  


She arrives. Her smile falters into a frown and her hand places on top of the shotgun. It was cold, it wasn't touched at all, and she knows that Erin hasn't been here. She hasn't arrived. She abruptly turns to her heels and bolts to Abby.

  


Abby reclines to her seat as Holtzmann dashes on her desk. “She says she's not coming.” She holds up her phone to show the text message to Holtzmann. Holtzmann takes the cellphone and reads the text.

  


_ Erin: Hey Abby, I'm not coming to work today. Thanks.  _

  


Holtz blinks at the brevity. Erin usually says things with reason, but this time she doesn't. She knows Erin better, she knows she has a reason to not come to work. She has to know. She taps on the information button and calls Erin. 

  


It rings, but it goes until voice message. She hangs up and dials again. Same thing happened. The next time she tries, it says that the number can't be dialed. She grunts and returns the phone to Abby.

  


“She turned off her cellphone,” she says it as a hunch, but she thinks it's the most likely reason. “What is she hiding?”

  


Abby shrugs. “See? She has a reason for everything until now. Better go find her then, I'll call you if we have a bust.” 

  


With that, Holtzmann rushes outside the building. She hesitates though, unsure where to check first. She contemplates for a while and decides to check her apartment. She knows what her address is because she remembers Erin asking to bring her groceries when she and Abby went shopping. 

* * *

She arrives. Before she knocks, she recollects what will she do if Erin opens the door. Her first cognizance is to kiss Erin without any word, but she figures that will be over the top and Erin might get mad at her; better off that she confesses whatever she needs to confess. 

  


She knocks, three dainty knocks. She stands there and waits, her mind swirling with conflicting thoughts. She thinks of the possibilities, it is possible that Erin may not like her back. She grits her teeth at the subsequent events about to happen when Erin opens the door. It has been thirty seconds, and no response. She does the same routine again, she knocks and waits, but still no response. 

  


“Erin?” Holtzmann tries, she leans on the door and shouts her name. No response. She places her ear on the door to try to hear some inherent, human noises. Nothing. 

  


Erin isn't home. She needs to figure out what kind of place has she wandered off to. Only one person may know where Erin might wander off to, Abby. She knew her since high school, it's likely that Abby has experienced Erin at her worst. So Holtz dials her phone. 

  


Abby answers on the third ring. “What? Did you find her?”

  


“Unfortunately no, but I need your help. You knew Erin better than anyone, where do you think she's gone off to when she's… distraught?”

  


There was a pause indicating that Abby is thinking. Holtzmann nervously taps her foot while waiting for a response. “The library? Coffee shops? Bars?”

  


“Great. I'll check all of those in all of New York City,” she ridicules, she can hear Abby scoffing over the phone. 

  


“Then check her usuals. Remember it, goddammit Holtz,” Abby mutters the last word as she hunts up abruptly. Holtzmann stares at her phone for a second, then decides to check the public library. 

* * *

She knows that Erin likes going to the library. Erin loves to read books, even though some aren't her usual ingenuity. She occasionally reads Holtz’s engineering books when she has no thing to do when she hangs out in her lab and she seemed into it to say the least. 

  


She arrives at the library, her jogging turned into running. She quickly ascends to the huge flight of stairs, not wasting another time. As soon as she is panting, she's at the doors. She sees the librarian, busy typing at her computer.

  


As she walks towards the table, she catches her breath. That might be a world record for the least time of climbing the flight of stairs at the New York Public Library. The librarian hears her panting, she shoots up to meet Holtz’s eyes. 

  


“Hello? Can I help you?” she asks, her eyes now fully focused on Holtz’s.

  


“Hi — yes, did you see a middle-aged but extremely hot woman about this tall”—Holtz hand gestures the height of Erin by holding up her hand about three inches from her—”she has amazing blue eyes and an adorable brown hair with bangs.”

  


The librarian eyes her. Her response is, without question, too endearing and mushy. But she responds without question, “I think I saw her walk in a while back, but I think she already left.”

  


“Oh, thanks.” Holtz nods and pulls away from the desk. 

  


Just as she was about to walk away, the librarian adds, “Would it appear to happen that she was wearing a MIT sweatshirt?”

  


Holtzmann smiles and turns to the librarian. “Yes, that is definitely her. Thank you so much.”

  


The librarian smiles back and waves at Holtzmann. Erin hasn't returned her MIT sweater, yet it doesn't bother Holtzmann. She doesn't want to admit it but if Erin ever gives it back, she hopes that she doesn't washes it so she can smell her scent whenever she wants to — not that it was intended to be creepy or something.

  


\---

_ Probably at a coffee shop as Abby mentioned?  _

  


Coffee shops are one way to relieve stress. The scent of caffeine, jazz music, and a rainy view alone already compensates for your whole problems. It was indeed one of Erin’s way to relax. That is why she was at the same coffee shop as Holtzmann when she was on a date.

  


And then it suddenly dawned on Holtzmann, Erin relieves stress in coffee shops and that is was after she told her that she had a date. Erin, as well, knows that Holtz wasn't the type who likes to date, so of course it astounds her, but she still doesn't know why she looked so unhappy about it. 

  


She goes back to the coffee shop she went to the day before. She checks the windows to see a particular brunette, but no one resembles her. She goes inside, nonetheless, to ask the barista if she has gone here.

  


“Hey sir!” The male barista ceases his work to look at her. He motions her speak up. “Did you see a MIT sweatshirt-wearing brunette here?”

  


“No,” he gruffly mutters then goes back to work. “She's never been here.”

  


“Are you sure? Do you even remember customers?”

  


The barista finishes up a cup of latte and places it on the claiming desk. He leans on the table and glares at her. “No, I don't. Now, are we going to play twenty questions or are you going to order?”

  


_ Wow, this guy. _ “Listen here, Mr Grumpy Pants. Yes, I want to play twenty questions with you, but only this time I'm going ask one personal question.”

  


He scoffs, “How about you order something first?”

  


“Fine. I'll have a tall dark chocolate frappe with cinnamon sprinkled on it.” The barista rolls his eyes and grabs a cup. He takes a marker and stares at Holtz for a name. “Erin.” The barista eyes her intently, skeptic that Holtzmann looks like an Erin, but he doesn't question and writes down Erin’s name — Holtz sees that he has written Erin with a y — and goes down to work. “Sir, where do you usually wander off when you're upset?”

  


“Bars to get girls,” he chuckles. Holtzmann rolls her eyes at this even though she relates that she does go to bars and gets laid when she's stressed. “Or I stroll in Central Park, like with the weather today. Cloudy and breezy. I could take a walk there right now if I wasn't working.” 

  


Does Erin like taking walks at the park? Holtzmann has honestly never opted Erin as the park girl type, as well as bars. But it doesn’t cost her to try to check there. 

  


“Wow. Thank you for the sensible answer. I’ll keep that in mind.” The barista makes a vague agreeing response then Holtzmann waits for her cup. She shuffles through her pockets to pay for her frappe, turns out she barely has six bucks. She takes out a five as the barista presents her frappe. “Thank you. Keep the change.”

  


“I know your name is not really Erin,” he mutters as Holtz starts to turn around. Holtz looks at him with a blank expression. “Hope she likes it.”

  


Holtzmann smiles and nods. She leaves the building and starts making her way to Central Park with her sipping her frappe in five second intervals. Noons in New York are always busy, on the walk to Central Park which was roughly five blocks from the coffee shop. She internally thanks herself for not hailing a cab since it will delay her, because she’s walking through a traffic right now. 

  


She has a good feeling that Erin will be in the park. Her speculated sixth sense was her gaydar, but now she's thinking that she has a seventh sense which was if-Erin-was-around. Still, she can't trust her instincts and be presumptuous that Erin will be at the park. Again, it won't cost her anything, but it won't hurt to try — well it will if she doesn't see her this day.

  


She waits for the red pedestrian light to turn white, she is in combat with her jaywalking tendency because she doesn't want to waste more time hindering her search for Erin. Maybe Erin is in the park, but if she lets her wait more time then she might come home. As soon as it turns white, Holtz practically bolts through the road and runs inside the Central Park. She jogs around to find Erin, she checks the picnic areas and no sign of Erin; she checks the benches, just heterosexual couples surrounding park benches; she knows that she has checked everywhere. She is almost convinced that Erin wasn't here. Her first instinct is telling her to concede and go back to the firehouse, but she can't easily give up on Erin. So, she calls it a break. 

  


She strolls through the influx of benches left and right, trying to find an unoccupied one — a presence of a heterosexual couple will stress her out more, if she was being honest — she finds one, it was the only unoccupied one. She roughly props herself down, her buttocks inflicting mere pain from the sudden drop, yet she doesn't focus on that pain. Her mind is focused on the Erin pain she has been suffering for about a year now, it was her favorite pain. Before it was burns from her inventions, she appreciates every burn she encounters because it's a reassurance that she can make her invention function. 9 out of 10, it does. Now her Erin pain compromises for all of her afflictions, so she thinks that  _ If I am suffering this much pain from Erin right now, is it possible that I can still make her function to like me?  _ It sounds psycho-weird, but that was just out of context. She means that is it possible for Erin ever liking her back due to the amount of suffering she has been, well was it?

  


She doesn't know. 

  


She drops her face on her palms and rubs her face in small circles. “Erin, where are you? Please,” she speaks to her peripherally, at least tries to. If romantic comedies were real life, Erin should be standing in front of her right now; hearing every word she is speaking. She wasn't. “Erin cupcake, please show yourself.” She can feel a verge of tears stream through her face any second now, “I love you as much as I love engineering but in a more romantic way.”

  


She feels eyes around her, but she doesn’t care. Maybe Erin wasn't meant to be found today, she can’t waste her lifetime suffering her. But still, even if it hurts, it still feels so damn good. Yet she decides to stand up and concede, Erin will come back to the firehouse anyway. 

  


At least that what she thinks. 

  


Just as she stands up, she hears a familiar guitar chord progression that ultimately sounds like the rhythm of the song she heard moments back. 

  


_ I walked along the avenue _

_ I never thought I’d meet a girl like you  _

_ Meet a girl like you _

  


Turns out her auditory was correct, she bolts down the direction ofthe sound to hear who was singing. She is dashing to the direction of the fountain, she sees from afar a long-haired man with a guitar who was singing the song. 

  


His guitar case was open for people to leave tips, she takes out her last dollar to give it to him. He smiles at her and Holtz smiles back. She continues to watch him sing with her singing along with the lines. 

  


_ And I ran, I ran so far away _

_ I just ran, I ran all night and day _

_ I couldn't get away _

  


The guitarist-singer plays the interlude, she bops to the music and she checks the audience around him if they were watching him intently as she does. 

  


And she can’t believe who is also watching him and bopping their head to the music. It is the MIT-sweatshirt wearing gal that she was referring a while back. And she is staring at her with a sad look in her eyes. 

  


Before she could stop herself, Holtzmann smiles at her and she smiles back. Holtzmann mouths the next set of lines to her:

  


_ A cloud appears above your head _

_ A beam of light comes shining down on you _

_ Shining down on you _

  


She makes her way to Erin with small footsteps and her arms crossed on her chest. Erin doesn't emit any movements though, she just stands there and preps herself for the subsequent events. Holtzmann is even more worried, is her life becoming a romantic comedy now? She preps herself what she has to say and she hopes that she won’t stammer like she did when she came out to her parents. 

  


Apparently, this was worse than coming out. “Hey,” they say in unison, they both giggle and gaze at each other’s eyes.

  


“Look,” Holtz starts. “I did not try to find you to ask why you didn’t come to work today.” Erin doesn’t seem so surprised that Holtzmann was out to find her. “I searched for you because I’ve been wanting to tell you something.”  _ Here goes nothing. _ She clears her throat and preps what she has got to say impulsively, “Since the day I met you, I always have been attracted to you. Not in a creepy way or something like that, but like a high school crush. You were straight, I know that. But it was meant to be a crush only, a mild crush on your colleague. We all had that, but when we first started working, I realized that I was falling you for you already. And it was unexpectedly fervent, it was horrible. I didn't want to fall for you, I didn't mean to. So, I tried to run away, I tried to find girls that would take my mind of you. But. I. Just. Couldn't. Especially with you hindering, I couldn't get away. And this song"— she gestures to the band—"is my song for you, because I ran, so far away but I couldn't get away and I never thought I could meet a girl like you. I'm in love with you Erin Gilbert.” She slurs on the words, but Erin seems like she got the gist of it and understood what she tries to mean. She expects a series of reactions from her, and the one that she encounters that Erin is speechless and motionless. She thinks that she has said the wrong thing and this won’t end well for the both of them.

  


“So, that’s it.” Holtz turns around on her heels and walks away from it. “Hope it clears everything up.” She takes two footsteps but then she felt a hand gripping on her wrist and pulling her around. 

  


_ Reached out a hand to touch your face _

_ You’re slowly disappearing from my view _

_ Disappearing from my view _

  


Erin tentatively places her hand on Holtz’s cheek and gazes at those blues. She doesn't say anything, neither did Holtz. They just stood there, gazing at each other’s eyes.

_ Reached out a hand to try again _

_ I’m floating in a beam of light with you _

_ A beam of light with you _

  


Holtz now reaches out a hand on Erin’s neck and pulls her closer for a kiss. She presses her lips together, Erin –– surprisingly kisses her back without hesitation –– it was better than she has ever thought about it. She thought about kissing Erin dozen of times, also she thought about doing stuff to Erin dozen of times as well. Their lips were in sync now and she swears that her stomach were doing backflips and frontflips, and the only thing she thinks about is that Erin is kissing her and she is kissing Erin. If it was all a dream, please don’t tell her that it is. 

  


Turns out that it wasn’t a dream as she felt a raindrop drop on her cheek. She pulls away to look at the sky, it was gloomy and it became dark after she has confessed her feelings for Erin. 

  


“Oh my God, this is so mushy and cliche,” Holtz mutters as she leans in again to capture Erin’s lips. “I love it.”

  


“I love you too,” Erin says between kisses. 

  


_ And I ran, I ran so far away _

_ I just ran, I ran all night and day _

_ I couldn't get away _

  


They kiss again and it was the first kiss of many kisses. Holtz running away was definitely one of the best things she has ever thought about and she never thought that it could lead to this, all this kissing and cuddling and raining. It was pure fairy tale-like and Holtzmann doesn’t care. What she only cares about was that she 

doesn't have any worries when Erin was in her arms, because this was her fairy tale. This wouldn’t happen if Holtzmann succeeds in running away, maybe she couldn't get away because this was her destiny. All in all, she doesn't have any regrets. She inwardly thanks all the girls she hooked up with and now she is here, with Erin. And they’re probably going to marry but it’s just the beginning.

  


She is just glad that she couldn't run and get away. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that it is for Hinder. I have another Holtzbert one-shot waiting to be modified because it seemed rushed or something and I have a new idea for a multi-chapter fic which will be based on The 1975's sex (look at the lyrics and you'll know what'll be about) that will be super angsty and it'll all about smut and unrequited love. Why are all my fics solely contain Holtzmann's perspective? Am I weird? I just hope I keep on writing before school starts which is 2 weeks from now, oh God help. Hmu and follow me on tumblr for Kate gifs and maybe corny Kate puns that I used to do in my old blog: crinklemouse.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this from start to finish! I cannot express how much I loved writing this, I'm sure my next multi-chapter will have a better plot and yes, there'll be smut ;) bye! Till next time!


End file.
